Why is change so hard to accept? (According to Psychology)


Change is so hard to accept because we fear the loss that comes from change, it’s not because we fear the change itself. We all love to change ourselves for the better, but we fear loss. By accepting the loss that comes from change you will be more open to change, and thus more open to life and closer to achieving your goals.

Unfortunately, change becomes more difficult as you become older. The reason is when you are young you are looking for life, not for comfort. But as you become older, you’re looking for comfort and safety, not for life. Early in your life, you have big dreams, more years to come you start to tell yourself that you have to be more “practical” so you start looking for a living, looking for a job. By the flow of time, you begin to tell yourself: if I don’t get to any troubles that’s enough! The problem with this mindset is that you are going against the rule of life. Everything in this life is changing. even the physical existence is constantly changing. So if you resist change, you resist life. That’s why the children are more harmonious with life. We are great creatures from when we are children until we grow up and get shaped by our environment and our own thoughts. Change has led humans to all the great things we have today, and only by changing your mindset to accept the change you achieve great things in life.

How do I become more accepting to change?

A great quote from Dr. Carlin B an organizational psychologist: “People aren’t afraid of change, what they afraid of is Loss”. People are accepting the fact that things are changing, things are evolving. Where problems occur is when individuals perceive that change as automatically meaning some element of loss for them. With that being said, these are some tips that help you adapt to the loss that comes with the change:

  • Frame a decision: This doesn’t just mean emphasizing the positives but also preparing for the negative things that may result from the change. Be open and transparent about what things could be lost if change takes place. Be open that it may feel uncomfortable, and then it may take some time to process and accept.
  • Gratitude: This tip is based on the previous tip. If you can pinpoint what’s it that is being lost, make a concerted effort not to simply discard it. Express gratitude for everything that’s happened so far in the journey.
  • Look again: Once you realize that change is often about loss, it can be much easier to observe people’s behavior around change as being similar to somebody experiencing grief and suddenly somebody who might seam change aversed or traped in the past, may take on a new light as somebody who’s simply experiencing loss. Maybe they are angry, maybe they are apathetic. Whatever behavior you’re seeing from someone who’s struggling to handle change look at it through the lens of loss and see what emerges for you. The same thing applies to you, whenever you have bad feelings about change remember it’s the feeling that you’re about to lose something.

Get Out of your comfort zone

“What makes you comfortable can ruin you, and what makes you uncomfortable is the only way to grow”

Bill Eckstrom

There is a universal rule that I noticed all through my life where the more I subjected myself to discomfort, the happier I am. To understand this rule try to do two activities every day for one month, one is inside your comfort zone and the other outside your comfort zone. For example, driving your car to work which inside your comfort zone, and running early in the morning. The first one is easy for you and kind of an automated process. The second one is new to your system and requires some effort and pain. After one month measure, the change happened to you from both activities. For the first one, I’m sure there is no noticeable change since it’s an automated process. But for the second one, you will notice a huge difference. You’ll feel healthier and stronger and your mental energy increases. This is one simple example of how much getting out of your comfort zone can change your life forever. Success is not a comfortable procedure. If you want to be successful and happy, you have to give up the bad habits and adopt the painful good habits. This is easier said than done, but it’s your mission to transform it into real action.

People are not going to love it

A tough fact that comes with change is that the people around you will not accept the idea of changing anything in your life. There are many reasons for that: they might be scared that you’ll suffer, or they don’t want you to be better than them, or simply they like you as you are. A big challenge that you have to be ready for is that the people around you aren’t going to love the idea of you being changed. So prepare yourself for all the kinds of judgments and discouragements and remember that nothing good in life comes without suffering.

No pain, no gain

You have to be aware of this, people who want to change their life have to struggle. You’ll be forced to wake up early in the morning or work late in the night, you’ve to change bad habits, and you have to stop going out with some bad friends. Change is never going to be an easy thing. But these challenges that come with the change are the things that will forge your character and make you feel the enjoyment of life. If everything in life was easy it will become boring. Life is like a video game. If the developer of a video game design it to be super easy, it will be boring and people will not love it. The good things in life come with struggle and challenge.

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